KissKaren and I found a novel way to keep the ghoulies away (from alt.jokes.limericks)pump7

Date: 1998/10/24

Its time for the pumpkins cut out,*
Beware of black cats crossing paths
And trick or treaters
Just may be eaters
A carin’ kiss may turn carnivoraths

Archie – *in Phobosese (near Mars) this word actually rhymes with Paths. True!!!!! 😎

Date: 1998/10/26


A shape shifting shadow surprise
In the corner of one of your eyes
The hoot of an owl
Black cat on the prowl
And me in my witchy disguise

Jack o’ Lantern’s evil leer
Glimmers of shadowy fear
A shape in the dark
The Evil One’s mark
The ghosts and the spirits are here

My black cat familiar and I
Shall hop on my broomstick and fly
‘Cross the full moon
See us and swoon
This might be your night to die

You can hide underneath the bed
Trembling with terror and dread
Of bumps in the night
Pray for daylight
If the goulies want you then you’re dead!

kiss (es or bites?)

Date: 1998/10/27


Let’s both get down under the covers
It’s there, if I could have my druthers
We’d hide from those ghoulies
(neath bed is for foolies)
And there wouldn’t be room for the others!

Those Ghoulies, when searching to sup,
Are confused by a noisy lewd tup.
And so while they stalk,
Then we will just talk
About the first thing to come up!

Archie – I can’t believe I said that! (Only love bites of course.)

Date: 1998/10/27

swingspider…And what do you think that will be?
Oh ho! now I’m starting to see
A little love bite
Then another one might
Be enough to confuse a ghoulie

Oh no! the ghoulies are back
Well, we’ll have a midnight snack
Come under the covers
You get your druthers
Ghoulie or love bite attack?

kiss es – oops! forgot my witch garb…

witch6Date: 1998/10/27

Forget about your witches gear,
It’ll be off as soon as I’m near.
Mine is all off too,
Under covers with you.
I’ll turn on this torch I found here!

Those 38c’s are first course,
I’ll nibble without any force
But there is no rush
I’ve just found your bush.
It’s real, not a merkin of gorse!

The ghoulies are staying away so far

lets keep it up!  Archie


Date: 1998/10/28

No ghoulies anywhere near
If we keep this up my dear
All the night through…
Oh! Now *that* oughta do
Try it again over here!

The ghoulies have feet made of clay
Those that have feet anyway
To be sure they leave
I’ve a trick up my sleeve (oh, what did I do with my sleeve!?!)
Now let’s see if that’s a toupée

My goodness! that’s not your head
But it’s big and it’s hair is red
So long and so wide
No wonder ghouls hide
Not me, I am fascinated

it’s still working… Wait, what’s that noise?



Date: 1998/10/29

Ah, sweet nips, let go of my throat.
I’ll go and fill up the moat.
The one that is fed
By the tap near our bed,
Please will you stop tickling my scrote!

That moat the very best way
To stop Ghoulies with feet of clay.
But those without feet
Are much harder to beat;
To do it we must stop our play.

Cease nibbling and kissing and licking
And think about what we’ll be sticking
In where. Oh, that’s wet,
That’s nice, and I’ll bet
We’ll enjoy giving ghoulies a tricking!

But now that we’ve started this fling
I’ve thought and I must keep this thing
Hard, completely straight
Up, until the date
Changes and the chimes for the Thirtyfirst ring!

Archie – My God, It’s only the twenty ninth!

I hope I can stand the pace!

I’ve heard of multiple orgasms

but this is going to be ridiculous!

Date: 1998/10/30


Those damn footless ghouls are the least
Of our troubles. There’s still The Beast
But I’ll do my best
To give it no rest
I s’pose we had better get greased (mmmmmm…)

There’s just one more day, we can do it
Now if I lick here… Oh! that grew it
Quick, turn on the spigot!
The water’s off? Frigg it!
I’m late paying bills! Oh we’ll screw it…



Date: 1998/10/31

That Beast is a challenge for sure.
His breath is quite bad and whats more,
His underarms stink –
He just doesn’t think.
If he gets us we’re bound to be sore!

But here under cover we’re safe,
For a drink I’ve hidden a carafe
Of wine which is red –
Just under the bed.
Don’t drink it too fast or you’ll barf!

errrr –

Kiss Karen you’re looking quite peckish,
And I know of your strange foot fetish,
But please don’t stand up –
Beast’s ready to sup,
Our souls he is likely to blemish!

Archie – and all this friction is starting to wear out the blankets – hope they last!


Date: 1998/10/31

….part 8 or 9… or 10 or 11

The blankets are nearly worn through
My wooer is near out of woo
We’re safe one more year
The whole world will cheer
You’re a hero and I am…. whew!

kiss es


I know it’s tomorrow your way
But I must take care one more day
If you must go
I want you to know
I am sure somehow I’ll be ok

Date: 1998/11/01

Each ghoul has returned to its tomb
The people of Earth may resume
Their peaceful conceits
The Beast now retreats
The witch put away her old broom



Date: 1998/11/02

We crept from the covers worn thin
Where we had been making our din.
I saw your forehead,
Where 666 I read!
Are you sure your soul is still in?

The mirror confirms that I too
Have received that awful tattoo!
That Beast, very fell,
Consigned us to Hell.
It won’t help if we only boohoo!

Archie – If Heaven is the opposite of Hell,

and Hell is so damned hot

then what temperature is Heaven,

and do you want to spend eternity

at absolute zero?



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