Poms and Septic Tanks, Limerick slang

A fellow limericist named “Mr Funny Bone” asked, in 1998 –

Aussies refer to a brit as a ‘Pom’
But where is this saying from ??
What does it mean ??
And is it obscene ?
And can i repeat it to my mom ??

(and by that i mean how did the name ‘Pom’ come into being??)

I attempted to enlighten him.

FB, I will try to explain
Before we all travelled by plane
The Lords of the Earth
Consigned us to Perth (or Sydney or Hobart etc)
And thought we’d all go away, like Jayne.

Sorry (small Jayne attack – (Takes tablet))

Our forebears on convict type ships
To our new land came on one way trips.
The coats that we wore
This legend they bore
“P.O.M.E.” between the arrows

(Prisoner of Mother England)

There is another learned group who
Believe that fair-skinned newcomers who
Stay out in the sun
Look like a fruit, one
Pomegranite, reddish in hue.

(pomegranite – pom – english person)

The lexicographers all say
That POM did not start yesterday,
But in 1880
And it seems it is here to stay.

Jayne, a Scots Lassie who appears in a number of my limericks, asked what are Scots called in Australia.

But, dear Jayne, you wanted to know
What are poor honest Scots called now
We just call them Scots
Though white porridge spots
Oft mar their clean tartens, whae hae.

Aussies do not speak gibberish
Mick or Paddy we name the Irish.
But the worst of all
Is what we do call
The inhabitants of the U.S. of A.

A lot of our forebears were cockney
Often used a slang quite rhymy
Yank rhymes with a tank
All homes had a “Septic Tank”
Too long so “Septic” became their nymy. (Namey)

This has a history much shorter
It arose when we fought a
Common foe, Japanese.
But you took your leaves
With OUR ladies whatever your Port-a-

Call.  This led to much heartache
And so some big nasty fruitcake
Invented the term
Which we all now learn
Is harmless, so offence please don’t take.

Please excuse the long-windedness
My head still hurts from last nightedness!
And the tablet I took
Has made me feel crook
Oh, No! thats another Australian mess – I give up!

Archie – George Bernard Shaw was right!


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