From: Hello i’m an Alien (
Subject: Bollards
Newsgroups: alt.jokes.limericks
Date: 1998/11/08

The ship had tied up at the docks,
And the seamen all polished their cocks,
Then scrambled ashore
In a search for a whore,
Who would readily open her box.

But one lad on the deck still did sit.
Said the captain: “You don’t want a bit?”
“It’s the size of my dick;
It’s so bloody thick
That I can’t find a girl it will fit.”

“Look lad,” said the skipper, “on top
Of that bollard is sitting a pop-
Sy. Hey, Lucy dear,
I’ve a customer here.”
She got up with an audible pop.

From: Lucy (
A thousand good names on the list
– Tidd picks mine. Will you cease and desist
all this taking in vain
of my innocent name ?
For it makes me upset to be dis’d.

Bollard ? BOLLARD ? … that wouldn’t make an ‘audible pop’ … It’s too
small + you know it.

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/09

Lucy complained that Tiddles had maligned her great “capacity” for lust:

Uh Oh – I’m about to get into trouble!

Ahhh, Lucy you’re really in luck
Won’t have to wrap you in Tape, Duct,
For others have burst
At the size of my wurst
But you will enjoy our first fuck!

Bollard? she said…. I’ll give her Bollards!

Archie – ducking under the covers – care to join me?

From: Lucy (
Date: 1998/11/09

archie, more timorous than we have come to expect, wrote:

Is there room under there for us all ?
E, budge up and squish nearer the wall
Azul’s pinched all the sheet
(has Kaylin got *ten* feet?) …
And there’s more queueing up in the hall !!!

I don’t think this is a goer Arch 😉

From: TuttaGioia (
Date: 1998/11/10

Lucy (I harden when I type that name) wrote:

At the head of that queue there is Toot
With tonic and chilled Absolut!
My sweet darling girls
I’ve brought you all pearls,
Provided that Arch gets the boot…

Tutta…so what’s it gonna be??

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/10

Ladies you’re all welcome to stay
Indeed with you all I will play
But Tutta’s too much
He can sleep on the couch
And besides his hair is too gray!

Archie – Hey Toots – it IS my bed after all but thanks for the Champers
– It is quite a BIG bed – OK you can stay!

From: Kaylin (
Date: 1998/11/10

Come on, fellas, no need to fight-
Jump in, and turn out the light!
A frolicking orgy-
Bet tomorrow we’re sore! Gee!
But oh, what a night! What a night! ;-))))))

(does anyone remember that old song-
“It was a night, Uhmmmm, what a night it was,
It really was such a night”…..?)

To life, and love, and laughter,

From: Lucy (
Date: 1998/11/10

More is merrier, I always say,
Arch and Tutta come here and display
your astonishing skill
oh ! please me, fulfill
me, in shifts if you will, all the day

Tutta :-

Command me, I’ll bend to your will –
Let us see whether pleasure can kill 😉
The gray’s very winning –
it speaks of much sinning
and a great past ahead of you still !

From: TuttaGioia (


Dear Archie, Kaylin has a plan…
No need for a Tute or Arch ban..
We’ll frolic toghether
All birds of a feather
But may I bring sexy Suzanne?

Tutta….Archie!…We can make room…and you won’t regret it!

Kay!…You not referring to a recent post…Billy singing “What a moon, what a
night, what a boy..”,
are U?

From: Karen (
Date: 1998/11/10

Oh what a night what a dream
I feel like a cat in the cream
Oh what a night
‘Twould be a delight
We will make a very good team

Get Lucy over here! Where’s Azul?
kiss es

I don’t want to get pied until Spring, so cut it to reply

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/11

TuttaGioia wrote as an univited guest (I hope he’s not going stoppeth
one in three):

Azul, and now E and Kaylin,
With Lucy they’ve all fitted in.
I’ll be quite a beast
At this clitoric feast;
All four’re in for a jolly good tonguin’!

There’s one who is missing again.
I think you know who to blame.
That sexy Scots lass,
With the pattable arse .
You know I refer to sweet Jayne!

But there’s nothing wrong with this crew,
With a redhead and experience too.
And after the clitties,
I’ll start on some titties
And maybe you’ll start on me too!

Archie – This is going to be a verrry hard night!

Date: 1998/11/11

Karen, my vulvarsquimmish labnik!…

Oh, what a lim, what a dream
Of breasts, at least 8 it would seem
I’d nibble those nipples.
Then offer you tipples
Of Bailey’s or Tute’s vintage Cream..


From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/11

Oh, Kiss, I have longed for this day
Wish we were alone in our play
I can kiss you all over
Like a good faithful Rover (woof)
And find all the spots where you – “Ahhhh”.

But Lucy has similar spots
And loves all this kissing play – lots
But with two sexy bods
Please don’t think it odd(s)
If I mix up your names when its hot(s)!

Archie – “The Silver Tongued Devil”
(I wanted to use “Bon Mots” in the last line but Tutta would take that
as permission to lapse into foreign!)

From: JoyClare (
Date: 1998/11/11

In this orgy I hope there’s a place
For a wee one: I won’t take much space.
If you’re worried ’bout size
I’m reducing my thighs…
But I can’t shrink the grin on my face!

Joie de Vivre 😉 (shove up y’all!)

From: Kaylin (
Date: 1998/11/11

( had to ditch the Sex Ed. class, too!)

So many women, so little time-
Poor Arch couldn’t make up his mind-
I’m afraid just the thought,
Made him so very hot-
Well, we’re already one climax behind!!!! 😉

(ooops! Another drycleaning bill, Archie? )

To life, and love, and laughter,

From: Kaylin (
Subject: Re: Bollards
Now Joy has joined in the fray,
She says she won’t get in the way-
She wears naught but a grin,
At the thought of such sin-
And says, “Go ahead, Make my day!” 😉

To life, and love, and laughter,

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/12

Those neat simultaneous ‘gasms
Are not due to luck or to spasms.
Tho it might sound henious,
A stroke of genius
Is needed if we are to has’ms!

Archie – genius cumming to the four…..
………sorry – Freudian slip (I just love it when a redhead wears one
of those)

I meant to say – genius coming to the fore!

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/12

You’re right, its a right daunting scene
But I’m never one to be mean.
With some help from Tutta,
On your faces we’ll putta
Big smile as we play games obscene!

Have no fear of my fitness, dear A.,
With push-ups and weights I’m OK
But if I am slipping
“E” gives a hard whipping
Ensures I’ve got bloody good stamina!

Archie – Its still quite a daunting task!

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/12

Dear Joie, the suprise of my life
I thought you had left all this strife
I’m glad you are back –
Well – um – on your back! ğŸ˜Ž
The dirt in this group is still rife!

I missed your original posting here or I would have replied sooner!

Joies’ 38c’s will not bore
Hey Tutta, we’ve now got two more.
Of titties we’ve ten
But clits uneven –
I’ll toss you for who gets one more!

Archie – OK every one on the floor – it IS a shag pile carpet! And the
chandelier is newly installed!

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/12

I do not dry clean my used sheets
They into a washing machine feets
I’m wearing no clothes
So mind how you goes
The second the first one just beets!

Archie – sorry, becoming delirious with pleasure!

From: Karen (
Date: 1998/11/13

Archie, you silver tongued boy
Skooch around Jayne and I’ll toy
With your iron bone
Tho’ far from alone
We’re a shining and fine new alloy

kiss es

I don’t want to get pied until Spring, so cut it to reply

From: archie (
Date: 1998/11/14

Kiss Karen I’ve come up for air
You and Lucy, Oh what a pair!
But I must have a breathe,
Tho your nether parts seethe.
Now, why have you put your hands there?

This silver tongued boy’s not so bright
But try he will, with all his might
With you and Lucy
And if you’ll help me
Make it through the night (oooh thats trite!)

Archie – gasping for breath and stretching for rhymes!

(Something I have been meaning to ask (off topic):-

Kiss Karen should I cut your pie?
Don’t think so, it’s not very ki(nd).
Stretch it and fill it
And otherwise thrill it;
But CUT it? That’s weird, no not I!)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s