Some Scots Lassie, I think.
Now listen up, all of you people!
To make a big wave not a ripple
You never should knock
The effect of the shock
Of an Ice Block that’s touched to a nipple!
Some bangers and mash with some peas
With tea and three sugars to please
All served at my table
By waitressing Mabel
Wearing boots and then bare from the knees.
Tell me Arch , does your little mouse
Run fast all over the house
Or does it just wait
getting caught in the little cat’s mouth
It’s cert’nly not one to say “Squeek,”
And the mouth that it seeks will not “Eeek.”
The pussy’s mouth sought
Is moist and it’s taut
And certain to make MY knees go weak!
I was listening to “The Silver Tongued Devil” and hoping to soon hear that you’ll “Help Me Make it Through the Night”!
The milko comes by ev’ry day
His milk I wont buy, there’s no way
The reason is easy
Cos he’s really sleazy
And his horse always shits in the dray
This was written in the old alt.jokes.limericks newsgroup
One of my limerick rivals, my cyber-sister Marty, played along with this one.
Don’t pick on our favoured Camilla –
My year had her outside the villa.
Oh God, what a blast.
Left all at half mast.
She said “Wow, it tastes like vanilla.!”
Flashman, indeed! You claim him,
That sneaky surveyor of quim?
His di’ry I’ve read
I think what he said
Are subjects quite fit for a lim!
My great-uncle Flash was a cad
With ladies he was quite a lad.
Despite his great shame
My hero became.
Is that why I’m evil and bad?