Compendium

Posted to alt jokes limericks on 10/14/1998

I’ve read through this news group tonight
So many replies, I just might
Do an all in one
With maybe a pun
My mind it is feeling so tight!

There’s John and his critical rant
It begs a reply, I just can’t.
Tutta’s riddles now bore,*
My brain is so sore
Some brandy I think I’ll decant!

*not really – I just can’t think tonight! (Keep’em coming)

There’s Peter and his anti-Scot snipes
Being rude about my loved bagpipes!
If I could I would flame,
But I’d get back the same.
He’ll dress, not in tartan, but stripes!

Kiss-Karen and Bruce are in love
They’re running around hand in glove
She’s a bit of a flirt
(Her lims contain dirt)
Bruce watches and coos like a dove.*

*Sorry Bruce, the only other rhyme was Shove!

Marlene’s given up on Duct Tape,
Her home’s now in terrible shape.
She’s on about Trolls,
How terribly drolls.
I think she is hoping for rape!

And Tiddy is supplying our pasties!
But are they the edible tasties,
Or small modesty patches
(Of course they both matches)
On mammary endings stuck-fasties!

Stuck with what is left of Marlene’s DT!

Nik’s back with us, for a short while
But his homework’s beginning to pile!
So back to the books
After a short looks
Or lechers will spew some more bile!

Sorry – I meant lecturers!

Our Ardens is becoming quite quiet.
Nothing to say? I don’t buy it!
Her S.O. did offer
To quite often boff’er.
Yes, all of us should sometimes try it!

A pleasant return has been Cheryl
(I’ll bet her birthstone is a beryl!)
Not that I’ll insist
(Unless I’m quite pissed)
I’d hate it if “Cheryl went feral!”

Believe it or not, that is the name of a country song here in Oz!

And Peter’s old friend named Lucy
Is keeping him so very juicy.
But “Luce” take some care,
While you’ve been elsewhere,
He often behaved very loosey!

And speaking of that madly pass-
ionate man, his mate’s dropped the lash!
She’s taken her panties
(The red little scanties)
And Ericka’s now working for cash!

Twins to support!

Bob-Bob has turned into a Frog
He subsists now just on egg-nog
But he I’ll not harass
Although lost in Paris
(In Italy he’d just be a wog!)

The things one does for a rhyme!

Adventurous H’s done a bunk,
To space he has taken his trunk.
He’s trying to get
An alien pet,
To mate with his common pet skunk!

Sweet Jayne I have left till the last.
I hope that our passion’s not past.
It surely was fun,
Hey, when upchucks are done,
Maybe soon, on a boat – with a mast!

I’ve got rid of that lot and now
I no longer feel quite so fou(l)
So into the brandy,
I keep it quite handy
I’ll grab the guitar and I’ll howl!

Just look at that sky – it is dawn.
No wonder I’m feeling forlorn
For this is the day
(Last night I did say)
Today I will mow the damn lawn!

Archie – sorry if I missed (or offended) anyone!