A Christmas Present for the World

While solving the ills of the world
I found the problem quite knurled
Our greatest desire
Is what fans the fire
It’s best if the world is degirled!

‘Twas Eve caused the sin of old Adam
(The only two balls, well, he had’em)
When she had her way
(And a bloody good lay)
She chose to become the first Madam.

Then having three sons and no girls
Forced Abel to grow golden curls
By smiling at Seth
As tho he were Beth
He caused Cain to kill him. The swirls

Of history recorded since then
From Troy to the Anglian fen
Shows jealousy causes
Most all of the warses*
And killing of all rival men.

This season of goodwill on Earth
And all of its subsequent mirth
Would never be lost
At quite a small cost;
And that is that men could give birth.

Thus solving the problem we’re cursed
With, hunting for gluttons of wurst.
Complete femicide
On the distaffy side
Is the step we should take if we durst.

*In defiance of Clause 873 of the Limerick Code.